The Simple Things for Fathers, Too.
Almost all of the fathers-to-be who attend my childbirth class say, “I want to know what to do to help her.” The class is for you both, as a couple and as parents, so that you feel good about your abilities and your choices.
Fathers can appreciate the work of birthing a child. Being a support and then having the time to hold your infant is your own important experience. When your child is born, savor the moment to look at this creation. Say hello to this new person and feel your child’s weight in your hands firmly, solidly here.
That’s a powerful feeling. I can still feel it in the palms of my hands when I see a particular onesie that my firstborn wore as a newborn. (That onesie is now in an archival box. That infant is twenty years old).
In these early moments the simple act of holding one’s baby can make a difference in a father’s confidence and involvement. We know skin-to-skin makes an important difference for breastfeeding and helps stabilize baby’s temperature. Researchers who study early parent attachment also see that for fathers, undisturbed time holding their newborn in the first hours has a marked positive influence. Fathers speak more positively about themselves as fathers and as partners and these fathers spend more time with their baby.
That makes sense. Undisturbed time means no one is directing, judging or instructing. You are learning to trust your own senses. Even with premature babies, fathers can always be part of kangaroo care for their child.
This is a simple and important way to encourage confidence in both mothers and fathers. It’s the low-tech gifts of your voice, your warmth, your smell, all these things that you already have! The physical assessments: bathing, weighing, eye drops, heel pricks can all wait. Most hospitals know this though you do well to familiarize yourself with the benefits of skin-to-skin time.
Parents can feel proud on an intellectual level: “My baby is in the 90th percentile”. More importantly, they can feel proud as in “This is how my baby relaxes onto my chest. This is how I calm him/her”. You have that ability from the earliest moments. I encourage you to be aware of those private, quiet first moments. They are for you to learn and absorb. This is the beginning of your unique experience as a parent.
FYI: The image is of a painting that hung in my mother’s room for several decades. It was painted by Barbara Swan, the only female Boston Expressionist artist.